My Tales


Mutua uko wapi? Event imeisha ….

Mutua: Nikuje nikurudishe Nyumbani?

Me: Tafadhali…

Mutua: Sawa sawa, Niko pande ya Uthiru Wacha nifwate bypass basi.

Me: Sawa sawa, utanipata nikikungojea.

The event had gone well, when the client is happy, I’m also happy. But there is nothing as complex as doing Hybrid events. The wake of Covid-19 presented new opportunities for some of us who run PR & Comms Agencies and we had to find ways to adjust to market demands.

30 minutes later I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. It was Mutua Calling,

Me: Sema Mutua,

Mutua: Niko nje unaweza kuja tuende Me: Sawa sawa, give me 10 minutes nakujaI quickly debriefed my team and left, I was in need of only two things. Mutua’s Story, and rest..

Umeshinda aje ? He asked Nimeshinda Salama, siku ndefu lakini Niko sawa…Sawa sawa, hapa kwanza umenisaidia sana. Hii trip ni ya kurudi Nyumbani, Wacha nikapumzike Sasa. Said Mutua

Unaenda Kwa bibi mgani ? I asked

Leo ni siku ya kuenda Kwa wa kwanza, ni siku yake kuu. He said while smiling

What do you mean by siku yake kuu? Ni birthday yake ama nini ?

Hapana, ni siku yake ya kupewa haki yake. Kwani hushiki. He started laughing as he said this.

I just wondered how complex polygamy can be, yet some men make it seem so easy. I didn’t want to probe further, I needed to know about the money now.

Ehee.. Ebu niambie Sasa, after Jamaa wetu aende congo, you were not tempted to leave him behind halafu urudi Nairobi pekee yako? Hukua unaogopa anaweza kuwa anafanya kitu illegal ?

Mutua: Hapana, ukishapewa payment ya 48,000, halafu uongezewe tena 100k, unadhani utafikiria kutoroka mteja? Nilikaa hio Busia hizo siku tatu. Infact huyo mteja alikua mteja kila siku. Siku ya pili nilifikiria sana kumwacha tu lakini it’s the same day I met my 2nd wife.

Tulipatana ki bahati tu.Nikiwa Kwa hoteli usiku, niliona msichana mrembo sana. Yaye ndio alikua waitress wa hio hoteli. Alipokuja kuchukua order, nilianza kupiga story na yeye. Since it was a weekday na ilikua late, hakukuwa na wateja hata. Ilikua Mimi pekee Kwa bar. Tukaanza story tu, niliongea na yeye Hadi saa nane usiku. By the time we were done talking, nilijua huyo narudi tu Nairobi na yeye.

Me: Aje lakini? How do you know you want to go wife a woman who you barely know Mutua? Isn’t that being dumb? I asked

Mutua: Wacha nikuambie, kila mwanaume anajua bibi yake in the first hour of talking to them. Mimi kwanza nilijua in 30 minutes. Ile kiburi bibi alikua ananionyesha mpaka naskia ni kama hakuna kitu nafanya. Halafu napata mtu Busia mwenye nanunulia beer Moja lakini she appreciates like I just bought her a house, shows the difference in character between women.

Me: So it’s after you bought her the beer that you discovered she is a wife material?

Mutua: It’s more than that, she has a demeanor that my wife has never possessed. My wife is very aggressive, she doesn’t believe in diplomacy. That one should have been born during the Mau Mau era akue freedom fighter.

Me: Why did you marry her then? Why not part ways?Mutua: I can’t leave her, huyo ataniua. Plus I still love her regardless na hizo vituko zake aki. Anyway, where did our story fikia ?

Ehe… So the guy finally shows up after three days. He looks brand new. New clothes, clean shave, he even looked happier. How that happened, hata Mimi Sijui..

Me: Then why did he have to hide in a pick up then come back that confidently? Mutua: Relax, tutafika hapo. So the guy comes back and we drive back all the way to Nairobi. He now looks more calm.

He tells me about how he is a gold dealer and how some cartel has been following him trying to kill him because he is a threat to his market and all. They even stole all his documentation that’s why he had to be sneaked into his own country so that he could apply for new documents to allow him to travel.

We arrive in Nairobi and I drop him home. I go back to my house. Remember the 100k he gave me? I don’t declare it to my wife. I add her an extra 5k and I keep the rest. It is late in the evening, I’m glad to be home, safe and sound.

My wife and I catch up and she asks me what had been happening for the 3 days so I had to come up with a story of how my car broke down and before we had new spares they had to be brought all the way from Nairobi.

Uzuri ya kuoa central is most of them have never been pask Kinoo so they can’t tell whether we are lying or not.

As we sat there talking, I saw my phone ringing, so did my wife. It was my Busia bae. I had saved her as Busia Mech, I couldn’t implicate myself that early. So I said loudly ‘Hawa mechanic wa Busia ni kama washaanza kunisumbua, I will call him tomorrow morning.”

As we were about to sleep, I saw my phone ringing again, this time it was my Congolese friend. I wondered why on earth he would call me at 11pm, if it was a trip I was not going to accept it. If it were not for the hefty bonuses, I wouldn’t have considered picking that call.

Money Bags: Bro, come to my house right now. Don’t ask questions. And with that he cut the call.

I thought to myself if he wanted his money back, what if he came back to his senses ? I had my doubts about going but he already knew where I stayed.

I had no option but to go. I explained to my wife the situation, she was not amused but I had to find means to survive and provide. Other men go beyond this to provide, mine was easy.

Immediately I got to his place, I found him waiting for me at the gate. With him he had the same bag that he always had with a padlock, only that this time it didn’t have one..

He had a another huge travel bag too and he handed both to me.

Money Bags: Brother, keep these bags for me, keep it very safe. I will come back for it very soon. Wewe mtu mzuri naamini sana. Chungia Mimi hii… Sawa ?

And with that he got into another car which was waiting for him and they left in a hurry.

This guy didn’t stay far from my place, so I slowly drove back to my estate. Parked the car, and started asking myself questions.

Should I open these bags or not ? What if they had witchcraft paraphernalia? Maybe it’s just money, kwani what’s the worst that can happen?

Now where do I hide the bags? My house was small, I didn’t have anywhere to hide it before my wife noticed. I already had the bags, so I decided to open them anyway to check the contents.

In my whole life, as an accountant, and a taxi driver, I had never seen so much money in my life in one place. There were bundles of new 100 dollar bills, many, and bundles of 1000 Kenyan shillings. I estimated that the dollar bags had atleast 50-70 Million shillings once converted.

That night I wanted to sleep in the car and protect the money, but my wife would have suspected me. So instead, I parked the car in the furthest corner of the estate and ensured all the doors were locked before I disappeared to my house.

After a long night of dreaming that my car had been stolen. I woke up quite early and went to confirm the car was there, with the money of course. Niliona if I continued over thinking about what to do with the money, stress itanimaliza. It’s at that point that I called my brother and explained everything to him. Yeye nani, akasema ‘Leta pesa ipate kazi’, infact I will keep it for you as we spend it together.

That’s the confidence that made me make all the decision that day.

So I go to my brothers place with the money. I explain to him all my money problems and how I came across this money. Guess what the guy told me?

One, pay your loan.

Two, buy two more cars and employ the drivers,

Three, finish building your house in Ushago,

Lastly, tujigawie millioni mbili mbili.

At first I was hesitant, but Yani, how often do you come across such Ksh?

Believe or not Ndundos, I did exactly what my brother proposed. Infact he took me to Mombasa the next day and we bought two cars which I told my wife were an investment by my friends who wanted me to manage their taxi businesses.

I sent my father money to supervise the completion of my house in Makueni. I paid my loan, then finally I gave my brother two million. Mimi nikachukua 3 Million…In total we spent at least 10 Million.

Me: You know that’s very dangerous, people kill people out here because of money. Ama umesahau?

Mutua: Wewe ungefanya nini? He asked

Truthfully I didn’t have a come back, so I kept quiet and continued listening.

With my 3 Million I convinced my Busia bae to come to Nairobi. I had promised her that I will open a small beauty shop for her, which I did.

Na ukutaka kujua Mungu halali, hio duka ilishika na mpaka sahii Iko na biashara mzuri sana.

Me: Does your wife know about her?

Mutua: She had to make her peace after she noticed money started coming in fast. She knows someone else is there, but she can’t do anything about it. Atawacha Mali ndio aende kulala njaa? Ile kiburi alinionyesha ndio namwonyesha pia Mimi

Me: So what happened next?

Mutua: I moved to a different estate within the same location. A bigger and better house. But I didn’t spend the money further. It was already three months since I had heard from my Congolese friend.

I kept Wondering if I should use the whole money but I knew Karma is a bitch. I don’t want to get that greedy.

Then one day as I sat in the house, watching telly like the boss I was. I had drivers doing the business now. All they did was send me money every evening. A call came in, I didn’t have the number saved but my instincts told me it could be him, and they were right.

Mr Money bags: Brother, I am back. Please bring me my money I want to leave Kenya.

Okay, sawa sawa, where do I find you I bring the bags? I asked him

Bring at the usual place where I always have my meetings. That was his code for Kilimani.

I hurriedly called my brother and instructed him where to meet me with the bags. At this point my heart was beating badly due to fear. If this guy suspected in any way that I had stolen from him? He was going to kill me, and if he didn’t, his business partners would.

For a second I didn’t want to go, but my life would be on the line. You don’t joke with some people’s money.

An hour later I was with him, I carefully handed him the bags and he stared directly in my eyes.

He started removing the bundles of Money while we were inside his car as he counted them.

Suddenly he stopped counting, smiled at me, and said ‘ You are the only trust worthy Kenyan my brother, I thought you will steal but all my money is here, thank you’ take this two thousand dollars and do something good for yourself.

I wanted to sigh with relief but he would notice the tension. So I smiled back and kept my cool.

How he never noticed the money was missing has been a puzzle to date. But one thing I did that might have it possible for him not to notice is that I never touched the shilling notes. I only took the dollars and converted them.

Me: That was a very risky thing to do Mutua. Do you feel it was worth it?

Mutua: Keeping the money was a risk on its own. Knowing him and driving him around was a risk too.

Not telling my wife was a risk. Marrying another woman was a risk.

Living everyday in this city is a risk.

Now tell me, do you feel it was a stupid idea to use the money?

Me: That’s a trick question. To each their own. Question, can I write about this story?

Mutua: Yes you can, it’s a risk but I have been doing it daily. Nothing scares me anymore.

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